Heyz..lolz..
thxs for coming to my blog..hope u all like it..
the 'my words' below are just my thoughts
for someone i liked..
hope you all dun mind..
'touching' are those i like
that are written by others
hope you all like it too...lolz..
[[* My.Words __ `
it was then that i realised,
birthday wishes,new year resolutions and
wishing to stars are a lie
coz i'm still alone now
and i see you drifting further away from me
if i could turn back time..to that holidays
i would hold on to you stubbornly
and not letting you go with her
i'm sorry if u think i'm stubborn,foolish or
irritating but i just want to keep you
by my side bcoz i realised i miss you
as much as you miss her
but that is if i could turn back time isn't it?
your back view has always been so familar to me
coz' that's what i can only see
perhaps i could not bring the happiness
she brought for you
but at least i know
i wouldn't make you cry and hurt you
like how she hurted you
after mths of loneliness
how i hope one day i can wake up
and see you there for me
but i know it's impossible
coz fate has never shine on us
like how my dedication nv got on air..
our lack of topics and your lack of interest
are just more signs of me losing you
and me hurting everyday
facing days of darkness...
when i saw you limping
i felt tears hurling in my eyes
no doubt i was having training
when i saw you in such a bad mood
reqesting to be left alone
i knew what my bdae wish is going to be
i have always thought
how much am i worth to u actually
does the frenship we once had matter to u at all?
or are u busy avoiding me
getting irritated of me
seeing no point in all my words
that u forgot how good we once were?
u seem to have become cold and heartless
some cold-blooded animal that has no heart
facing me..u seem to be another person..
am i that disgusting that u have to do this?
am i realli wrong to have said all my feelings out?
coz all i get in return is yr attitude
i like u for yr character
but i hate you for the way u treat the ppl ard u
after such a long time..
has yr feelings turn so bland
that u forgot everything?
the tarot cards told me
you would be touched by my wait
that we would be together in the end
when i saw the lovers card
i was really overjoyed
starting to feel hope rushing through me
but then i started to think
i did it myself
i just learnt it
the steps may be wrong
it's not accurate at all
i rather believe that i don't know how to do it
that the tarots cards are wrong
then to trust the outcome of it
coz i know the feeling u had for me is gone forever
isn't it?
evrything in yr bdae present are there for a reason
you like star-gazing
and i act.wanted u to be able to look at them
when u are lying on yr bed
so i did it
though it wasn't exactly successful
the cranes..
there for u to forget abt ytd
the lavender bottle
i like it as much as u do
it's symbolic to me
it's not there in my room collecting dust
like i have told u..
it's juz tat i noe u like it
that's why i wan u to hav it..
and tat the flower lang of lavender..
waiting for love..
the one phrase i wan to tell u
the letter...the lyrics..
so that i can relate to u what i'm feeling
and for u to think i gave u up
i was really happy that
i could be there for u
when the two of u broke..
you sound really devastated
as if u would die without her
then i told you
to be a guy
u wun die without her
maybe to u i flared up
bcoz i couldn't stand yr constant sayings
in fact it's not..
i will nv flare up in front of u
it's jus tat i dunno what kind of guy u are
the type who needs sum1 to scld him
and wake him up or not
so i risked u thinking i got angry
in the hope that u would wake up..
but i think i failed..
u lied abt the whole
not avoiding a gal when u noe she likes u..
u did avoid to a certain extent..
let's be good frens
u were the one who told me that
but u were also the one who drifted with me
the one who changed the tone towards me
i was always there
for u to turn back
but all u knew was to walk on
and weep abt how her attitude
changes towards u
sorry for being so obvious
i guess i looked desperate in front of u
but frm now on..
i'm going to forget u
i'm going to cry abt other guys
i've finally woke up from my fantasy
though it may not be successful enuff
but on the verge
my frens dun believe in me
that i truly forget u
that i can do it
but i noe me the best
even if they dun believe
all i cares is that i noe
the guy in my tots
the guy i get happy upon seeing
the guy who affects my whole day
will not be u anymore
the resolution i had..
it came true..
it's not that difficult
it's all in the mind i guess
and the next guy u meet..
but at least in this case
i didn't meet a guy to forget u
i forgot u and met that guy
though i noe i will fall into another endless hole
but it beats waiting for u
'waiting for rain in the drought'
quoted from cinderella story
but i will rmb you
for u are the first guy that lies so near
to my heart
that made me cry and weep for so long
thxs for making me mature
for carving my love life's me to the one i'm now
frens forever..
[[*TouChinG __ `
1.
"throughout the four seasons"
"you were what that kept me going on"
"sometimes it makes tears"
"uncontrollable and thoughts running wild"
"somehow it manages to trigger the tear gland"
"though i know not how and why"
"when night falls, it became worst."
"memories will surface, unwillingly."
"they become so vivid, like only yesterday,"
"suffocating me."
"just how hard it is to let go?"
"does it mean i won't miss you?"
"does it mean i will smile instead"
"of cry when i think of you?"
2.
How can you just walk away from me
when all i could do is watch you leave
i wish i could make you turn around
turn around and see me cry...
3.
you just wouldn't understand..how i feel
you just leave me alone
alone to face the consequences
you just don't want me to go on..go on loving you
I changed somehow..i sensed something amiss
I've grown..yet becoming someone i don't know
She's my image..she's a stranger..
Tears..what can tears do?
how does crying helps?
It is only a way to show how sad one is..
Feelings..Love..
Tell me what's that
I once understand the meaning of love
but i've now lost the understanding..
4.
I've learned that things change, people change,
and it doesn't mean you forget the past
or try to cover it up;
it simply means that you move on
and treasure the memories.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up,
it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be.
5.
it seems like everyday
ii make mistakes
ii just can`t get it right
it's like iim the one
youu love to hate.
im gonna to smile.
like nothing`s wrong
talk like everything`s perfect
act like it's all a dream;
and pretend it`s not hurting me.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
*hoping.for.miracles* at 25.12.04
"Hey!. juz wanted to come up and blog since i couldnt sleep. did i say i went to zj;s hse for a sleepover, okay, sort of. BUt yes, although i crapped alot on how i'm grateful and all.. maybe she;s this shopping partner and buddyl. but i guess i've been too occupied with my own stuff that i neglect some other stuff. we couldnt find things to do at all at night. chatting was one alternative..but i couldnt open myself up. Its weird how we do not have things to say anymore. Maybe we've juz turned to others. but yes, we used to chat alot on the phone. not anymore i guess, we;ve lost interest. someone did tell me i've been more quiet these days.. agreed? not talking much, no more huge laughter, but more of a half-smile. i wonder if its true. Oh and even when we went for a nite dip, which was this perfect time and place to talk, we didnt.. instead i ended up swimming and she was talking on the phone. but a good thing was i found peace.. i was floating on the water, the sky was beautiful and there was no one. my eyes were in the water, it was quiet...calm. i enjoyed it.. looks like i still like this calmness"...hmmm...this is what elaine blogged...heyz hmm sorry...realli happy that hmm i'm yr shopping partner...hahaz..u are the one who trained me to shop..so of course laz..hmm..anyway i dun think it's just u that been too occupied with yr stuff..i have been cooped up with my stuff too..act..u weren't the oni one having that 'shit i can't open up feeling'..hmm i guess both of us have stuff that we dun wan to talk abt at that point of time..i know we were reali quiet that nite..juz listening to the radio and deep in our own thoughts..but i guess all it matters is yr exsistance isn't it?as long u're there..it makes no much diff that we are cooping ourselves up or laughing our heads off everything...i rmb u tried striking that conver in the pool asking what's the prob with my parents..but i changed the conver...not that we couldn't talk abt anything anymore..but juz that i didn't reali wan to talk abt it..i mean i didnt know the cause..i juz know that one day they came back with those back facing each other attitude..den my mum started telling me bt she's prepared for divorce and washing her hands off my dad's stuff in work..it was realli tormenting but i didnt want to face it with anybody..hmm yea..i mean i rmb i quarrel with my bro juz bcoz no one wanted to bring to buy my books...my dad was out bringing my younger bro for tuition..i'm at the office with my mum heck caring everything with that i dunno how u gonna buy and i dun care attitude..she even suggested that i go and buy it myself den bring it home myself using public transport when she knew that i needed to go out with sy ltr to celebrate my bdae..so in the end i went to ask my bro..juz bcoz he dunwan to add a weight of two bags of books to his beloved car..he quarreled with me..oh gosh my books are so heavy it can crush his car up..he need a tank of oil juz to bring me frm sch to amk mrt if that two bags are on the car..i rmb he commented that i got to be independent why dun i juz bring it home myself...i was like hey i'm still 14 and u?u are 23..how independent u expect me to be..u be got until like that what's the point...now that mum and dad is quarreling what u wan me to do...it's my bdae tml loh..and i still need to celebrate with my fren ltr how the hell u wan me to bring the stuff back..i mean i was realli crying the hell out..is like ever since they quarrelled i even need to quarrel with my gor juz to buy my books..hmm yea...anyway my mum is real pissed real now bcoz i been dragging the time i'm using the com..so hmm i will complete it some other time maybe tml..okie..
___mirrored::me*
+name::zijun
+bdae::17 dec
+age::14+
+horo::saggitarius
+school::anderson secondary
+email.add_friendster::zijun_friendds@hotmail.com
[[* loveex __ `
[slpin]
[smsing]
[snacking]
[watching.tv]
[reading comics]
[listening.to.songs]
_________________
[him]
[jolin]
[cyndi]
[JaY!!]
[Linda]
[S.H.E]
[netball]
[my frenz]
[mashimaro]
[Guang liang]
________________
[pasta]
[calamari]
[green.tea]
[springroll]
[lollipops]
[hashbrown]
[xiang chang]
[French toast]
[chicken chop]
[Japanese curry]
[strawberry.pocky]
[Lunch box filled with food i like!!]
________________
[pink]
[blue]
[black]
[purple]
[[* love*anime.comicsex __ `
_^Naruto^_
_^Initial D^_
_^Alice 19th^_
_^D.N Angel^_
_^WeiB Kruez^_
_^Tsubasa RC^_
_^Fruits Basket^_
_^Love for Venus^_
_^Happy Hustle High^_
_^Cardcaptor Sakura^_
_^Mystic Sleuth Loki^_
_^Hunter X Hunter Lie Ren^_
[[* hatesex __ `
=fish=
=spicy stuff=
=most vegetables=
=black carrot cake=
=sotong except calamari=
=pig intestines, stomach, liver!!=
___________________
=smoking=
=mean ppl=
=Attention.seeking.de.ren=
=ppl who always theatens to fight=
=some.vulgarities:ccb/knn/lanjiao=
___________________
=Qoo=
=coffee=
=some liang cha=
=wintermelon tea=
___________________
[[* wants __ `
::abercombie and fitch cargo::
::bag.tote.duffer::
::more shirts::
::more miniskirts::
::nike shorts::
::sports bra::
::money!!::
::belt::
::more accessories::
____________________