Heyz..lolz..
thxs for coming to my blog..hope u all like it..
the 'my words' below are just my thoughts
for someone i liked..
hope you all dun mind..
'touching' are those i like
that are written by others
hope you all like it too...lolz..
[[* My.Words __ `
it was then that i realised,
birthday wishes,new year resolutions and
wishing to stars are a lie
coz i'm still alone now
and i see you drifting further away from me
if i could turn back time..to that holidays
i would hold on to you stubbornly
and not letting you go with her
i'm sorry if u think i'm stubborn,foolish or
irritating but i just want to keep you
by my side bcoz i realised i miss you
as much as you miss her
but that is if i could turn back time isn't it?
your back view has always been so familar to me
coz' that's what i can only see
perhaps i could not bring the happiness
she brought for you
but at least i know
i wouldn't make you cry and hurt you
like how she hurted you
after mths of loneliness
how i hope one day i can wake up
and see you there for me
but i know it's impossible
coz fate has never shine on us
like how my dedication nv got on air..
our lack of topics and your lack of interest
are just more signs of me losing you
and me hurting everyday
facing days of darkness...
when i saw you limping
i felt tears hurling in my eyes
no doubt i was having training
when i saw you in such a bad mood
reqesting to be left alone
i knew what my bdae wish is going to be
i have always thought
how much am i worth to u actually
does the frenship we once had matter to u at all?
or are u busy avoiding me
getting irritated of me
seeing no point in all my words
that u forgot how good we once were?
u seem to have become cold and heartless
some cold-blooded animal that has no heart
facing me..u seem to be another person..
am i that disgusting that u have to do this?
am i realli wrong to have said all my feelings out?
coz all i get in return is yr attitude
i like u for yr character
but i hate you for the way u treat the ppl ard u
after such a long time..
has yr feelings turn so bland
that u forgot everything?
the tarot cards told me
you would be touched by my wait
that we would be together in the end
when i saw the lovers card
i was really overjoyed
starting to feel hope rushing through me
but then i started to think
i did it myself
i just learnt it
the steps may be wrong
it's not accurate at all
i rather believe that i don't know how to do it
that the tarots cards are wrong
then to trust the outcome of it
coz i know the feeling u had for me is gone forever
isn't it?
evrything in yr bdae present are there for a reason
you like star-gazing
and i act.wanted u to be able to look at them
when u are lying on yr bed
so i did it
though it wasn't exactly successful
the cranes..
there for u to forget abt ytd
the lavender bottle
i like it as much as u do
it's symbolic to me
it's not there in my room collecting dust
like i have told u..
it's juz tat i noe u like it
that's why i wan u to hav it..
and tat the flower lang of lavender..
waiting for love..
the one phrase i wan to tell u
the letter...the lyrics..
so that i can relate to u what i'm feeling
and for u to think i gave u up
i was really happy that
i could be there for u
when the two of u broke..
you sound really devastated
as if u would die without her
then i told you
to be a guy
u wun die without her
maybe to u i flared up
bcoz i couldn't stand yr constant sayings
in fact it's not..
i will nv flare up in front of u
it's jus tat i dunno what kind of guy u are
the type who needs sum1 to scld him
and wake him up or not
so i risked u thinking i got angry
in the hope that u would wake up..
but i think i failed..
u lied abt the whole
not avoiding a gal when u noe she likes u..
u did avoid to a certain extent..
let's be good frens
u were the one who told me that
but u were also the one who drifted with me
the one who changed the tone towards me
i was always there
for u to turn back
but all u knew was to walk on
and weep abt how her attitude
changes towards u
sorry for being so obvious
i guess i looked desperate in front of u
but frm now on..
i'm going to forget u
i'm going to cry abt other guys
i've finally woke up from my fantasy
though it may not be successful enuff
but on the verge
my frens dun believe in me
that i truly forget u
that i can do it
but i noe me the best
even if they dun believe
all i cares is that i noe
the guy in my tots
the guy i get happy upon seeing
the guy who affects my whole day
will not be u anymore
the resolution i had..
it came true..
it's not that difficult
it's all in the mind i guess
and the next guy u meet..
but at least in this case
i didn't meet a guy to forget u
i forgot u and met that guy
though i noe i will fall into another endless hole
but it beats waiting for u
'waiting for rain in the drought'
quoted from cinderella story
but i will rmb you
for u are the first guy that lies so near
to my heart
that made me cry and weep for so long
thxs for making me mature
for carving my love life's me to the one i'm now
frens forever..
[[*TouChinG __ `
1.
"throughout the four seasons"
"you were what that kept me going on"
"sometimes it makes tears"
"uncontrollable and thoughts running wild"
"somehow it manages to trigger the tear gland"
"though i know not how and why"
"when night falls, it became worst."
"memories will surface, unwillingly."
"they become so vivid, like only yesterday,"
"suffocating me."
"just how hard it is to let go?"
"does it mean i won't miss you?"
"does it mean i will smile instead"
"of cry when i think of you?"
2.
How can you just walk away from me
when all i could do is watch you leave
i wish i could make you turn around
turn around and see me cry...
3.
you just wouldn't understand..how i feel
you just leave me alone
alone to face the consequences
you just don't want me to go on..go on loving you
I changed somehow..i sensed something amiss
I've grown..yet becoming someone i don't know
She's my image..she's a stranger..
Tears..what can tears do?
how does crying helps?
It is only a way to show how sad one is..
Feelings..Love..
Tell me what's that
I once understand the meaning of love
but i've now lost the understanding..
4.
I've learned that things change, people change,
and it doesn't mean you forget the past
or try to cover it up;
it simply means that you move on
and treasure the memories.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up,
it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be.
5.
it seems like everyday
ii make mistakes
ii just can`t get it right
it's like iim the one
youu love to hate.
im gonna to smile.
like nothing`s wrong
talk like everything`s perfect
act like it's all a dream;
and pretend it`s not hurting me.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 19.6.05
Saturday, May 21, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 21.5.05
hmm..heyz guys been a long time since i blogged..but anyway dun think i'll be bloggin anymore..my taggies also bcum so cold..lolz..been kind of sick of bloggin le..and no one cares anymore so why must i..i dun need anyone to understand too..not that i want any..
Thursday, May 05, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 5.5.05
hmm..things were kinda bad ytd...hmm my money got stolen frm some heartless creep...it was what i saved for one week..went home to eat almost everyday...okie i sound poor..but wadever i already planned how i wan to spend it before i even saved it...wtf and all the plans and money gone down the drain..there' goes my wax house the movie..there goes my abercrombie and fitch cargo..and they were onli part of the things i wan to buy...though 38 bucks wasnt enuff to buy the cargo but it was only a 4.90 more...and now?i have to start from zilch...when i realised my money was missing...was like crying..quite hard..i dunno why juz felt the pain of saving and then losing it suddenly..but i cant figure it out..how can he steal it...how did he dare to with so many ppl in the class..he's bold and fast...and the times he could steal was like impossible coz my frens were ard even when i was not in class..unless he steals in frnt of them..grrrrr..i hate that person man..and second time my things kenna stolen le lehz..is it bcoz i'm reali that careless or the target is on me?!sianz...and now i still owe weihao 7bucks...coz i left his comic under the table...and the next day presto!!it's gone..guess it got stolen too...god why would anyway steal a comic which is like book 17?two theft cases in a day on me..interesting shit...someone's trying really hard to make me really broke...
hmmm tml finally last exam le!!!lolz..hmm buden cannot go anywhere...MONEY!!!...nvm...i shall just go home and watch my date with a vampire 3..lolz...finally managed to borrow it..hmm...tests were kinda okie...cannot expect myself to fail any subs..if i fail i will definitely cry man..i juz hope i wun fail all my papers though some paper i will really do badly...
haven't been in a very good mood today...buden think i concealed it quite well..not the really moody but juz like feels sth lurking ard but i still can laugh and fool ard...hmm...yepz...i feel as if i have alot of feelings to say...but i just cant say it out...like i dunno where to start..yanchao commented that i sound relax when i told mr lim today how much i lost...but guess he would nv know the more relax i sounds..the more i actually care....hmm forget it i cant write just not in the right mood..
Saturday, April 30, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 30.4.05
sianz...first an ulcer now flu+cough+fever..plus that headache i have since ytd...sianz...body becoming shitty-er and shitty-er...lolz...somemore now stil exams period how am i going to study...hai...
act wanted to go out today with elaine de..buden last nite she nv say and i nv asked coz also dun feel like going out in my state...hahaz..hmmm..nth much these few days...just kept studying...finished four papers!!!lolz...kind of in slack mood now..coz cleared all the papers i'm scared of...hahaz..except for amaths though...buden chem and phy were not as hard as i tot..hahaz..though not very confident bt chem...bleahz hope wun fail again..hmm..tried playing vball ytd also and i suck..haha...hmmm suan le...but it was kind of fun...
hmmm ytd showed a pic to weeter...it's a very nice one...with two paths of routes ,darkness and light...yeps and ask him to choose..as expected he chose the light one...hahaz..same choice as nat different frm me though...he asked me why and i answered 'na ke lu bu jiao hao zou'..dunno why i will lidat say also...juz feel that everybody is living in a world of darkness whether they noe it or not..light is juz a temporary fantasy and u will still fall back to darkness...and when u are too immuned to darkness you will forget abt fantasy for you know u will nv have the chance to climb up but the chance of falling from light is almost a 100%...all the happiness weren't worth it if in the end it is those that pushed you back to darkness...
Saturday, April 23, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 23.4.05
hmm...flag day was cool..hahaz..nv knew doing it was so fun..except the end part when i was really tired..for starters was late for 40mins den elaine nat they all keep calling me...lolz..then went to j8 to ask for donations...spent two hours of the 4hrs watching pacifier...kind of nice show..and first time go out with classmates...though oni afew..buden spend the whole day with karntiban divek and weihao...also got elaine anna and nat la..hope can have more of these stuff...lolz..after staying ard for a little while went back to tpy...tpy there de ppl all v.uncompassionate lehz...compare to bishan de..hahaz...getting a donation in tpy was so hard...and some ppl in tpy juz tao-ed me all the way when i asked...anyway was quite cool coz two person donated 10bucks to me...cool!!!hahaz...one was an auntie in bishan...another is a guy ard our age in tpy...when that guy gave i was like wow..nv knew teenagers so 'giving'...lolz..if everybody like that flag day will be so much easier....
Friday, April 22, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 22.4.05
hmm..sianz...today juz had geog and maths test..hope can get 18/20 for my maths...hope!!!lolz..hmm had pizza hut today damn full now...so cool karnitiban treat coz his fren return him money...130..so he treat us...lolz..cool rite..hmm he's realli nice...eat until 70plus den all he pay..me and elaine give him some money he die also dunwan take...cool sia...lolz...
hmm...ytd was cool too...was late for training so me anna nat and jody ran compounds two rnds ourselves...den when we started running we pass by a mango tree...lolz..den got a guy plucking lehz...den in the end we ask him help us pluck also..lolz..so cool..den we four person each got one...den after finishing one compound we pass by again and decide to pluck ourselves..but think we look like fools...we were laughing like shit...even tried the method of standing on two person's leg...wasn't successful at all..coz all of us will start laughing den everyone will start tumbling...lolz...cool though...promised each other to bring to sch and eat together when it ripes...hahaz...
hmm...tml having flag day..so sianz....also dunno where to go...den one jiu finis liao...elaine going malaysia after that..anna and nat wan go home study...karn adlin they all watching movie...i no money dunwan go...sianz..dunno who pei me go out sia..also dun feel like going out in sch u...but so early!!!hahaz...hmm see tml baz...
oh..and our class half of the nkf cards got lost...hahaz...coz zhenyang left on the table ma den next morning come jiu lost le..luckily the other half with shimin..but unfortunately mine was in the stack that was lost...hahaz..but anyway also dun care..juz laughed it off..237 in total...buden think the person who stole the cards if open mine, pavathi zhenyang cards rite will very sianz...lolz..coz it's a 50cents 50cents and 10cents...wahahhaz...we are such misers...lolz..
"your presence is tormenting me
but yet i'm dying without you
suffocated by boredom and loneliness
all the words you said
all the promises you made
were all sweet talks
sweet talkings without meaning it
and i was stupid enough to believe it
to let them lead me into a deep hole
a hole so dark i cant even see myself
i used to think you are just a friend
but when darkness smacked themselves on me
tagging behind stubbornly not wanting to leave me
then did i realised who are you to me
and what you had in you all along
i took everything for granted
believed that fantasy was forever
sweetness was everlasting
i had been a little princess believing in everything daddy king told me
all the fairy tales that were told to me since young
so familar with them was i
that for a moment i though they were true
till i got ripped out of my dreams
when you just walked off not flinching an inch
don't leave me you said
and oh
look who's leaving.."
"my friend just came back from her holiday
she got stories tales and tales to tell me
about her adventures of her dream guy and her
those stories inflict pain on me
they just tell me how lonely i am
how my wound seems to get deeper and deeper
although she's very happy and blissful
i can't seem to share her happiness
i'm filled with sadness
now her beyond redemption compared to mine
no one will know what i'm going through
now that i'm saying nothing
even if i decide to say anything
all that happened to me
she's too joyful to share my sorrow
she can't even feel a wee bit of it
all her pessimistic thoughts will turn optimistic miraculously
all her whines all turned into signs of happiness as for me?
i'm not even fit to whine
much less have the capability to hone this art
cause'
for one who am i going to whine to
no one listens anymore
i dun wish for anything
for i've got to be careful for everything i wish for
two what can i whine about
am i fit to in the first place
whine about every destruction that's happening to my life
or perhaps how pessimistic how this girl in me is becoming
or maybe worse about how those beautiful days slipped out of my hand
but i knowthis girl in me don't whine about such things
she will never lose the impulsiveness in her to say everything
courage others call
but to her it's impulsivenss that do more bad than good
she always lose control over such things
the control to keep everything next to her
the control to get back what's lost
it can't go worse she thought
so she always decide to make things worse
by groping in the dark
getting lost further
seems like she would never understand
what it means by 'when the night seems to be the darkest
it means the sun is going to rise soon' "
"i hate myself for everything i'm not doing
for everything i can't do
i promised myself that i was going to study
and now what i'm left with 10hrs to study all my untouched books
taking away my ten hrs of valuable sleep
and i'm spending this last hour playing and writing this
guess he ruined my mood for everything this holiday
hesitation within me
things i forced myself to not think about
hypnotising myself that everything's fine
hope i'll able to lock all my emotions in
before everything bad comes smacking on me
spare my phone till next month
i told my mum
cause' i have utter confidence in myself
that my msg count aren't going to be like the past
i lost the companion to make it come true
less than 300 i promised
a 1000 to 300 is an accomplishment
a huge one at that
that vast difference also prove the total inadequecy in me
it's easy to see how i am but guess mum nv did figure it out
my bill
that's all she need to infer from
no other invading of privacy evidence
or demanding an explanation from me
little money little msges lonely daughter
huge bomb thousand msges happy daughter
not happy happy perhaps
but definitely not lonely
or rather not the lonely lonely
so contradicting what i'm saying
but if you understand what i'm saying
then u will see the huge difference in context
of lonely lonely and lonely
or maybe happy happy and happy
guess i'm will never be fit to say happy happy
coz i was always too late to realise that i was happy happy
and by then i realise it it will be lonely lonely for me..."
"I detest him more than ever
that flirtatious bastard
she's just a friend look at the way he's over her
savouring the feeling of her liking him
fooling and flirting around like he's so suave
why does flirting seems so fun to him
he enjoys it so much
that it seems to be the only spice of his life
it's not a problem with initiative
he's weak, weak from his every vessels to nerves
that's the bottom statement
but i've got to admit he's turning cuter and cuter
but with his character down the drain
he's like a wolf in sheep's skin
cow dung attitude beneath the beautiful external
but i guess it's good
a blessing in duiguise
flirt as much as he wants
for all i care
it just makes the hate in me for him
grow day by day
then maybe one day i can forget about him
and let hatred rid off all the memories"
wrote all this when i didnt have a com to blog...hahaz..hmm though i already got over it but just decide to put it up...hahaz...third one was during march holis..hmm as for the thing i wanted to do to save ervything it failed too..lolz..think the last few sentence abit crap juz didnt know how to end it..lolz..wrote the fourth one when i really detest the sight of two person flirting..but now no more liao..furthermore also dun care liao..hahaz..got over it..dun like him le...so doesnt matter anymore..hahaz...
*hoping.for.miracles* at 22.4.05
"your presence is tormenting me
but yet i'm dying without you
suffocated by boredom and loneliness
all the words you said
all the promises you made
were all sweet talks
sweet talkings without meaning i
tand i was stupid enought to believe it
to let them lead me into a deep hole
a hole so dark i cant even see myself
i used to think you are just a friend
but when darkness smacked themselves on me
tagging behind stubbornly not wanting to leave me
then did i realised who are you to me
and what you had in you all along
i took everything for granted
believed that fantasy was forever
sweetness was everlasting
i had been a little princess believing in everything daddy king told me
all the fairy tales that were told to me since young
so familar with them was i
that for a moment i though they were true
till i got ripped out of my dreams
when you just walked off not flinching an inch
don't leave me you said
and oh
look who's leaving.."
"my friend just came back from her holiday she got stories
tales and tales to tell me about her adventures of her dream guy and her
those stories inflict pain on me
they just tell me how lonely i am
how my wound seems to get deeper and deeper
although she's very happy and blissfu
li can't seem to share her happinessi'm filled with sadness now
her beyond redemption compared to mine
no one will know what i'm going through
now that i'm saying nothing
even if i decide to say anything
all that happened to me
she's too joyful to share my sorrow
she can't even feel a wee bit of it
all her pessimistic thoughts will turn optimistic miraculously
all her whines she hones like art everyday all turned into signs of happiness
as for me?
i'm not even fit to whine much less have the capability to hone this art
cause'
for one who am i going to whine to
no one listens anymore
i dun wish for anything
for i've got to be careful for everything i wish for
two what can i whine about
am i fit to in the first place
whine about every destruction that's happening to my life
or perhaps how pessimistic how this girl in me is becoming
or maybe worse about how those beautiful days slipped out of my hand
but i knowthis girl in me don't whine about such things
she will never lose the impulsiveness in her to say everything
courage others call
but to her it's impulsivenss that do more bad than good
she always lose control over such things
the control to keep everything next to her
the control to get back what's lost
it can't go worse she thought
so she always decide to make things worse
by groping in the dark getting lost further
seems like she would never understand what it means by
'when the night seems to be the darkest
it means the sun is going to rise soon' "
"i hate myselffor everything i'm not doing
for everything i can't do
i promised myself that i was going to study
and now what
i'm left with 10hrs to study all my untouched books
taking away my ten hrs of valuable sleep
and i'm spending this last hour playing and writing this
guess he ruined my mood for everything this holiday
hesitation within me
things i forced myself to not think about
hypnotising myself that everything's fine
should i should i not
that letter means everything
whether i will buy into the good books of him again
or drop into the endless valley
or perhaps the deep dark freezing ocean
it depends on me i guess
on how desperate i am to get him back
but i think i'm going to do it
the last thing i will do for us
before i give up
i don't really care what's the ending i hope
that i can lock all my emotions in
by the time everything bad come smacking on me
spare my phone till next month
i told my mum
cause' i have utter confidence in myself
that my msg count aren't going to be like the past
i lost the companion to make it come true
less than 300 i promised
a 1000 to 300 is an accomplishment
a huge one at that
that vast difference also prove the total inadequecy in me
it's easy to see how i am but guess mum nv did figure it out
my bil
lthat's all she need to infer from
no other invading of privacy evidence
or demanding an explanation from me
little money little msges lonely daughter
huge bomb thousand msges happy daughter
not happy happy perhaps
but definitely not lonely
or rather not the lonely lonely
so contradicting what i'm saying
but if you understand what i'm saying
then u will see the huge difference in context of lonely lonely and lonely
or maybe happy happy and happy
guess i'm will never be fit to say happy happy
coz i was always too late to realise that i was happy happy
and by then i realise it
it will be lonely lonely for me..."
"I detest him more than ever
that flirtatious bastard
she's just a friend
look at the way he's over her
savouring the feeling of her liking him
fooling and flirting around like he's so suave
why does flirting seems so fun to him
he enjoys it so much
that it seems to be the only spice of his life
it's not a problem with initiative
he's weak, weak from his every vessels to nerves
that's the bottom statement
but i've got to admit
he's turning cuter and cuter
but with his character down the drain
he's like a wolf in sheep's skin
cow dung attitude beneath the beautiful external
but i guess it's good
a blessing in duiguise
flirt as much as he wants
for all i care
it just makes the hate in me for him grow day by day
then maybe one day i can forget about him
and let hatred rid off all the memories"
wrote all this when i didnt have a com to blog...hahaz..hmm though i already got over it but just decide to put it up...hahaz...third one was during march holis..hmm as for the thing i wanted to do to save ervything it failed too..lolz..think the last few sentence abit crap juz didnt know how to end it..lolz..wrote the fourth one when i really detest the sight of two person flirting..but now no more liao..furthermore also dun care liao..hahaz..got over it..dun like him le...so doesnt matter anymore..hahaz...
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
*hoping.for.miracles* at 20.4.05
hmm..feels so good to be using my com again...lolz..finally my com is fixed..like got so many things to do on the com after being deprived for so long..lolz..
sianz exams coming le..next week..this term passes so quickly...next week jiu exams...hai...quite dumb loh..all the scis in the first week...i will fail next week's tests man...think will fail both scis for two terms..lolz...serious lack of money now....huge financial difficulty...lolz..and i wan to buy alot of stuff lehz...hahaz...nvm...save save and save...
kinda starting to like 3.2..though i nv hated the class but just like more le..coz got closer with ppl like weihao..kanrtiban(ban-ny)..divek(vek-ky)..adlin...jianxiong...darren etc...lolz..kind of fun in class now...keep playin cards and eatin..hahaz...hmm banny and vekky always the food provider..they are damn funny and pervertic..lolz...kind of cool to have them as classmates..even covered the door and windows with posters so teachers frm outside cant see we playin,eating or msging...lolz
life's kind of nice now...with frens all ard me and not liking anyone..lolz..kind of like this life...have someone to msg..and can fool ard..without caring that i like him or what...lolz...guess when u leaves it there..it becomes worse...but when you try too hard..it worsens even faster than ever..so decided to juz give up..since i've have realli try...that's enough...at least i had memories...lolz..
hope everyone have a happy life!!!lolz...
___mirrored::me*
+name::zijun
+bdae::17 dec
+age::14+
+horo::saggitarius
+school::anderson secondary
+email.add_friendster::zijun_friendds@hotmail.com
[[* loveex __ `
[slpin]
[smsing]
[snacking]
[watching.tv]
[reading comics]
[listening.to.songs]
_________________
[him]
[jolin]
[cyndi]
[JaY!!]
[Linda]
[S.H.E]
[netball]
[my frenz]
[mashimaro]
[Guang liang]
________________
[pasta]
[calamari]
[green.tea]
[springroll]
[lollipops]
[hashbrown]
[xiang chang]
[French toast]
[chicken chop]
[Japanese curry]
[strawberry.pocky]
[Lunch box filled with food i like!!]
________________
[pink]
[blue]
[black]
[purple]
[[* love*anime.comicsex __ `
_^Naruto^_
_^Initial D^_
_^Alice 19th^_
_^D.N Angel^_
_^WeiB Kruez^_
_^Tsubasa RC^_
_^Fruits Basket^_
_^Love for Venus^_
_^Happy Hustle High^_
_^Cardcaptor Sakura^_
_^Mystic Sleuth Loki^_
_^Hunter X Hunter Lie Ren^_
[[* hatesex __ `
=fish=
=spicy stuff=
=most vegetables=
=black carrot cake=
=sotong except calamari=
=pig intestines, stomach, liver!!=
___________________
=smoking=
=mean ppl=
=Attention.seeking.de.ren=
=ppl who always theatens to fight=
=some.vulgarities:ccb/knn/lanjiao=
___________________
=Qoo=
=coffee=
=some liang cha=
=wintermelon tea=
___________________
[[* wants __ `
::abercombie and fitch cargo::
::bag.tote.duffer::
::more shirts::
::more miniskirts::
::nike shorts::
::sports bra::
::money!!::
::belt::
::more accessories::
____________________